


Old Grudges

by Titti



Series: Old Grudges [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-24
Updated: 2002-02-24
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/pseuds/Titti
Summary: Under the Veritaserum, Sirius explains why he sent Severus after Remus.





	Old Grudges

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster?"

Severus hated to be summoned to the Headmaster's office. It usually involved something unpleasant. Albus would usually divulge good news while walking around the school or preferably the grounds.

"Yes, Severus. Please, come in."

As he stepped inside, the Potions Master saw the man sitting in one armchair: long black hair tied in a ponytail, handsome features, and arrogant stance. Sirius Black.

"What is he doing here, Albus? We put the children in enough danger with a werewolf. They don't need a wanted criminal in the school."

"I have no choice, Severus. Sirius needs protection for a short time and we'll provide it for him." Dumbledore's tone left no room for discussion. The Slytherin, to his credit, did not push the subject further.

"I don't wish for anyone to know about Sirius' presence at Hogwarts, and that includes Harry. For this reason, I would like for Sirius to stay in your chambers."

"I don't trust him, Albus," Snape said while Black murmured, "Harry will find out."

"One thing at a time, children." Dumbledore shook his head. It would take a miracle to make these two work together.

"Sirius, why would Harry find out?"

"He has a map that tells him who and where people are at Hogwarts."

"What else does this map do?"

"It shows every secret passage and all the passwords."

"How can you be certain of its accuracy, Sirius?"

"Because we made it, Headmaster. James, Remus, Peter and I."

"Very well, young Harry shall misplace this map during your stay."

Turning his attention to the other wizard, Dumbledore carefully posed his next question.

"What could Sirius do to convince you that he will not deliberately harm you in any way?"

Severus stared at the Headmaster; a raised eyebrow was the only sign of his surprise. The Potions professor obviously had not expected that Dumbledore would make Sirius prove himself.

The Slytherin thought about it for a while. Putting Sirius under the Imperius Curse was pretty alluring, but the Headmaster would surely oppose that. A variety of charms and curses, dark and otherwise, passed through Severus' mind, until he found something that would satisfy himself and  
Albus.

"Black and I, alone for two hours, and he will answer my questions under the veritaserum potion."

"I don't have to tell you anything because I haven't done anything."

"Beside trying to kill me, you mean?"

"Enough. Sirius, he is putting himself in danger simply by harbouring a fugitive. I can't order Severus to take you in, but I am asking him as a personal favour to me. His request is not unreasonable. I expected much worse -" Dumbledore tried unsuccessfully to suppress a chuckle. "- Now it's up to you to determine if giving some answers is worth your safety."

* * *

In Severus' living room, Sirius stared at the three drops of clear liquid that fell into the orange juice. Three little drops and he would not be able to lie to Snape. Of course, the Gryffindor knew that no matter how strong the potion, the questions could be sidestepped if they were not carefully structured. He wondered how good Snape was as an interrogator.

"Drink this. Staring at the glass has no effect."

Black gulped down the juice. He didn't experience the bitter taste he had learnt to associate with truth potions. He briefly wondered why Snape would bother to make this more pleasant for him.

"What now?"

"We wait five minutes."

They sat in silence. After a few minutes, Black was the first to break it.

"Do you trust this potions to give you the answers you seek?"

"I trust the accuracy of all my potions."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"You asked a question and I answered it. However, it's not your place to ask questions. Did you betray the Potters?"

Severus' tone was soft. No hint of accusation existed in his voice. Sirius wanted to scream his answers at the top of his lungs. He wanted everyone to know he was innocent. In the end, he mirrored Severus' tone.

"No."

"Were you their Secret Keeper?"

"No."

"Did you kill Peter Pettigrew?"

"No."

"Did you kill all those Muggles?"

"No. I guess we're done."

Sirius got up, but the Slytherin's eyes were burning into him. Severus stood still, elbows resting on the armrests of his chair, fingers intertwined, index fingers uncurled and rubbing against his lips.

"Sit down, Black. If these were my only questions, I would have asked for ten minutes, not two hours."

Sirius sighed, but sat back down. He had given his word and he was not going to renegade on his promise. Then, the dance began.

"Why did you try to kill me?"

"Because you were an insufferable, nosy git."

"Do you try to kill everyone you don't like?"

"No."

"Then why me?"

"Because I hated you."

Severus got up and began pacing the room.

"There is no need to ask why you hated me. I know I was an annoying git. So let's change the question. Did Remus know about your little prank?"

"No."

"You are good at avoiding my questions."

"It's not the first time I've been interrogated by a Death Eater," Sirius answered, but Severus ignored him.

"Yet, it seems you can be straightforward when you feel comfortable with the questions. This leads me to believe that you are hiding something about that night."

"I don't need to listen to your babbling. If you have anything to ask, do so or let's stop."

Severus knew that he needed to change his tactic. Black was too good at this game and the Potions Master needed all of his Slytherin cunning to get to the truth.

"Did you hate Lucius?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever want to kill him while we were in school?"

"No."

"What was the difference between Lucius and me?"

"No matter how much we hated each other, he at least respected me. He even invited me to join Voldemort. He said I was brilliant."

"Lucius can be a fool."

"Agreed."

"So you tried to kill me because I didn't respect you?"

"Yes," he said a little too quickly, but the potion wouldn't allow an outright lie. "No, or at least not completely."

Sirius wanted to bang his head against the wall. He couldn't believe he had made such an open-ended admission. It gave Severus the perfect opportunity if he was sly enough. Severus didn't disappoint him. He sat back in his chair. The two were facing each other. The Slytherin had a smirk on his face, savouring the victory within his grasp. Black sighed. He knew it had caused his own downfall.

"Elaborate, please."

"Everyone at Hogwarts noticed me. They might have not liked me, but they were impressed by my looks, by my sense of humour, or by social skills. Everyone was impressed except you. You acted like you didn't even see me."

It was Sirius' turn to pace. He had never told to anyone the real reason why he had sent Severus after Remus, not even to the other three Marauders.

"I was amused at first. I thought you were just oblivious to the world. Then, I started to study your behaviour. You were obviously very close to Malfoy. With the years, I knew that the friendship had become something more. Then, at the end of our fifth year, you became friends with Remus."

Severus had millions of questions swirling in his mind, but he stayed silent. He didn't want to break this outpouring of revelations. He didn't think that Black was even trying to curt his answer.

"That's when I really began to hate you. You seemed to have no objections with befriending a Gryffindor, but any time I approached you, you'd give me one of your sarcastic comments that would make me want to hide in shame for days. You became _the_ Slytherin git. Salazar Slytherin could have been present and you'd still be _the_ one and only Slytherin for me. Do you  
know how much I hated you?"

"I am starting to get the idea."

"No, you are not. You were my addiction since first year. In the beginning, I just wanted you to acknowledge me, but with the years I needed you to want me."

"You needed every girl and boy to want you, Black. News of your latest snogging session were part of the daily routine. We couldn't start classes without learning whom you had brought to the astronomy tower the night before."

"I never said I was looking for a marriage. I was obsessed, I realize that, but for Merlin's bloody sake, why couldn't you just acknowledge me once?"

"I wasn't aware that it was a school requirement to fawn over Sirius Black."

"Don't give me this 'I'm so distant and cold' crap. I know you. I spent six years watching you. I loved to see the fire in your eyes when you discussed God knows what with Remus. I would hide to look at you. I would use James' invisibility cloak to follow you."

"My own private stalker." Severus snorted.

"Don't you thing I told myself how crazy it was? Then, I would see how you and Lucius would look at each other, how you would touch each other, not caring what everyone said, and I would be hooked again. I remember once, you were upset because I had pulled one of my tricks. Lucius pulled your hair back and whispered something in your ear. You pulled him closer and smiled.  
I wanted to be the one to make you smile like that."

"And with all your Gryffindor intelligence, you determined that making me the victim of your pranks would achieve that purpose."

"I wasn't that stupid, if you can believe that, but it was the only time I could get any type of reaction from you. I never seemed to do or have anything that held your interest."

"I wasn't interested in beauty or making friends. I lusted after knowledge. That is the reason I befriended Remus. His intelligence was amazing; his understanding of magic was surprising. He should have been a Ravenclaw. The same thing applied to Lucius. He has made many mistakes, but there were the result of his arrogance, not his lack of intelligence. His looks and a very educated tongue didn't hurt," Severus said with a smirk. "You still haven't told me how this tale relates to sending me to the Shrieking Shack?"

"If you thought I was stupid..." Sirius sighed. His face was now buried in his hands.

"I do not think that my opinion of Gryffindors can sink any lower."

"What about Remus?"

"He is the exception; Granger is another. You, just like your godson, are true Gryffindors: jump into anything without thinking. It takes courage, even if it is misguided."

Sirius looked at the Slytherin confused. Was that a compliment? Nothing with Severus was ever simple.

"Are you ever going to tell me the rest?" Severus wasn't bothering with the questions any longer. They had moved into uncharted territory for the two of them. He didn't think that Sirius would stop now.

"Do I have to?"

"I would appreciate it."

"Can't disappoint you now, can I?" Sirius said sarcastically, but Severus just smiled. The animagus' heart jumped. He had longed to see that smile reserved for him for two decades.

"Somewhere between following you and studying your behaviour, I fell for you. I wanted you. Of course, you were getting closer to Remy. I confronted him, you know? I accused him of sleeping with you. We didn't talk for a week after that. He said that I was jealous. He still doesn't know how right he was, just not the way he meant."

"You were right. You are even more stupid that I thought possible. You couldn't have me, therefore the logical conclusion was to have my so-called lover kill me. How brilliant!"

"No, no, no. No one ever understood. I didn't want to kill you. I wanted you to see the transformation, then I would arrive and save you. I had this idea that you would just fall in love with me after I saved you. But I miscalculated the timing and you arrived there too late. Then, James found out. I couldn't tell him why I did it. He jumped in and saved the day."

Severus got up and moved toward the fireplace. The Potions Master was as still as a statue. The silence was becoming unbearable for the Gryffindor.

"Insult me, tell me how insane I was, just tell me something, please."

"If I hadn't prepared the veritaserum with my own hands, I would have said that you just told me the biggest lie ever conceived. Things are never what they seem when you are involved, Black."

"It's not like I want it this way. I usually find myself thrown into things." Sirius sulked.

"Did you take acting lessons from Harry? I think he has told me as much on different occasions."

Severus laughed. Sirius got angry. He couldn't believe that the Slytherin would make fun of him.

"Anything else you'd like to know?"

"No, I think we're done. You can stay in my chambers."

"I would have a question if I were you?"

"Would you, now?" Severus asked with curiosity. He thought he had learnt everything, but obviously the Gryffindor had more to disclose.

"Yes, I would ask if I still had feeling for you?" Sirius held his breath, waiting for Severus' response.

"From everything I heard, you didn't want me. You wanted another notch on your belt. I was a conquest, not a real person, for you."

Black lost his temper. He closed the gap between them and gripped Severus' arms.

"You haven't been listening. I admit that it was a challenge at the beginning, but later..." Sirius turned around, unable to continue when those obsidian eyes were burning his soul. "Later, I fell for you, for your sarcasm, your enthusiasm over potions and magic in general, for your fire  
when opposing favouritism. I loved everything you were. I still do."

"Look Black -" Severus stepped closer. A sigh escaped him. "- Sirius, you don't know me. Maybe you did when we were in school, although I doubt it. However, many years have passed. I've done many things that have changed me. You have no idea who I am."

"Right, you've grown while I was stuck in Azkaban." Sirius looked beaten. His body language screamed his disappointment: eyes closed, head hanging, and shoulders curved.

Severus lightly rested his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"I know what it's like. I was in Azkaban for a few months when Voldemort disappeared, awaiting trial."

Sirius leaned back until their bodies were almost touching. He turned his head slightly and he was eye to eye with Severus. He could feel soft breath warming his skin. He could see inviting lips mere millimetres from his own.

"If you know, help me get what I wanted so long ago."

Sirius closed his eyes when long fingers grazed his cheek. He waited for what seemed hours, but was a mere instant, until their lips met. Soft and gently, the kiss never deepened.

"No." Severus finally broke the kiss. "I'm sorry, but two hours and an explanation can't change the way I feel about you."

The Potions Master left his chambers.


End file.
